When your privates become public & famous.

This post is something I wrote a while ago when the internet was a buzz with Chris Brown’s pixel of his circumcised, thin yet long caramel Johnson. Maurice over here got caught with his pants down 18 days before the release of his 4th studio album “F.A.M.E”. Whether or not this was a desperate PR stunt to push units for what is still a recovering career is not what concerns me, (which could be likely seeing is the album is thriving). Though I do believe that this is just Karma striking him 10 times harder than his flaccid penis, for attacking and leaking Rihanna’s nude images (which featured her pierced nipples ouch) back when they were young & in love. Or maybe the “F.A.M.E” is JUST an ode to his long one as many girls who notarize this boy will be treated to an album whose artwork will showcase his dong under great lighting and various tones including black and white images while it stands erect this time. What concerns me most here is the increasing need for unknowns & celebrities to strip down naked and take a flick, something I bet John Strognofe didn’t see coming when he invented the camera in 1685.

But let me not be bitter, a naked you is anything but kryptonite to a career, just ask the dozens of celebrities who have been taken flicks of their vag and the handful of men who have their shafts on jpg. If there’s something we can certify in the 21st Century its that NOTHING LEAKS. Your naked picture does not just end up on the internet, the moment you strip down & strike a pose iphone in hand in front the hotel bathroom mirror you’re going: “Oh i bet they’re gonna love this, here comes that endorsement deal, SCORE!”. Then it’s a click, a snap, then hit the send button…accompanied with a smiley face of course.

So I have speculated 3 main reasons why celebrities choose to release a picture of their naked bad selves

NUMBER 3

I’m so bored I could send you a picture of my penis! :

Yes it’s true, despite having all the money in the world celebrities get shit bored. And you know what they say about idle hands, they are the devil’s tool and plus, nothing passes time like a good old photoshoot with your 4megapixel digital. The hours spent trying to find the best pose or the correct lighting that’ll make your pipi look colossal, makes for a fun hobby.

My advice: Learn how to make a quilt, collect stamps, play a decent game of 30seconds with your manager or here’s a better idea: ring up a stan & have some good old groupie love. Just make sure you search her at the door to ensure that she doesn’t enter with a video tape, cause we all know, YOU’VE GOT YOUR OWN!

NUMBER 2

Uh oh…Album’s coming out. Content’s not good….QUICK! STRIKE A POSE!:

The Publicity stunt: A well designed, carefully orchestrated incident that’s intended to get your name on everyone’s lips & tweets. This music business is hard and sometimes a good voice coupled with magazine spreads, billboards and raising money for cancer babies isn’t enough. Nothing makes people crave you more than a naked image of you!

My advice: Get an AIDS rumour going about you, fareal. It has equal if not more shock value than a sex tape and it will give you sympathy so people have no choice but to cop out your new CD.

NUMBER 1

In the words of Adele the great, “Don’t you remembeeeeeeer, THE REASON YOU LOVED ME?!”:

Like Jamie Foxx (who’s penis size is very average), your face is familiar, but I can’t quite recall where I’ve seen it before. Are you the kind fellow at the Cinnabon who gave me extra pecans? No of course not, you’re the car gaurd from the mall? OH SHIT! You used to tell jokes, sing and act? Right? Nothing reminds people more of your existence than a naked digi portrait of you! I look at it and say, hey, that’s Jamie Foxx, because somehow a snap of your cock reminds me that you played Ray Charles.

My Advice: release a mixtape.

To celebrities, take pictures of your nude selves all you want, BUT YOU DON’T HAVE TO SEND THEM TO ANOTHER HUMAN BEING!!! its ok to look at your privates, stare & admire. Just remember to hit the delete button & to empty your recycle bin

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